Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
