just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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