Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize