I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We're too hungover to prance.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
