Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
