what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have already put on my inside pants.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
