You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
