I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
