Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's shark week go big or go home
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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