even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
