I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
