so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
