How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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