Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your cock deserves a montage
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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