I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
