NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
