I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
