you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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