he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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