clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
