I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
