Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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