He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
