I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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