I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
