Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
