dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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