He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
