Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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