You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
