He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
