You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize