my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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