You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
