Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
