i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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