you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
