saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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