my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
