1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
