what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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