She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
