Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bring me that man meat
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
