Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
