In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
