Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
