it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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