Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
