very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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