Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
