Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
