Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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