You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
