oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
