feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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