Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
