Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
