I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize