I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
