What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize