Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
