you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
